Hacker News

points by cosmic_cheese 16 hours ago | 0 comments

FWIW, it may just be a colossal misconception of my own, but I’d been of the mind that “partner” was in some cases more polite to use because it doesn’t make assumptions about the individuals in question or about the dynamics of the relationship between them. I am not part of the LGBTQ world, however, and am happy to be corrected.

[–] regretsresin 2 hours ago

There's a difference between the polite use and the impolite use. If someone makes a point to always introduce and discuss their husband, some anti LGBTQ folks will make a point to never say husband. Like, "you don't get to have that word." It's a way of suggesting people aren't married.

The difficulty is that partner is also acceptable and polite, especially when gender or marital status is unknown.

It's subtle, which is exactly the sort of thing this thread is about -- ways to subtly exclude someone while appearing polite to outsiders.

[–] my-next-account 1 hour ago

Jeeze, ya know. I don't get exposed to phobes sufficiently to know this. Typical dog whistle: Folks who are in the group know it, folks antagonized by the group know it, everyone else looks on with a question mark on their face.

[–] amanaplanacanal 15 hours ago

It can be used both ways, I suppose. I use it for my partner because legal marital status isn't important to me, but for those that had to fight to obtain the basic right to get married I can see why it would be hurtful.

I wonder how much of it is generational? I see something similar in the way second wave feminists rightly hated being called girls, whereas it's not as much of an issue for the younger generations because they didn't have those experiences.