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points by hbn 11 hours ago | 0 comments
I wonder how his now 36-year-old son who was 8 when his father left to do this for no reason feels about it.

Does doing a lot of walking make it acceptable to leave your young kid and go globetrotting for 30 years?

[–] dang 10 hours ago
I know this kind of thing brings up strong emotions for most people—it does for me too—but you can't fairly judge another person's intimate relationships* from the handful of details that appear in a news article, and responding with personal denunciation is against both HN's rules (https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html) and its intended spirit.

We mostly don't know why other people do what they do, nor what they've gone through themselves, and we tend to be harshest and most uncharitable when we know the least.

Does that mean that the family impact of taking such a path in life should be off-topic in a thread like this? Not at all. But to be within HN's guidelines and (more importantly) its intended spirit, you should do it differently—not in a condemnatory way, but in a wondering way, and perhaps drawing connections to one's own experience, which always helps.

The goal is to have a curious conversation, rather than a reductive one. That's always the goal here! https://hn.algolia.com/?dateRange=all&page=0&prefix=true&sor....

(* assuming one can ever do that, or that it's one's place to try)

[–] TFNA 11 hours ago
Why not ask his son, who has joined him on sections of his walk, or at least read the abundant press coverage about the two and why Bushby was unable to follow his infant son to Northern Ireland?

Within the overland-travel community, Bushby comes up often enough and people actually talk about his walk, getting visas, crossing borders, interacting with local people. It's a good demonstration of how toxic general social media like Reddit (or, now, HN) is for substantial discussion that people try to move the discussion instead to the personal merits of the person.

[–] contingencies 10 hours ago
As a retired cycle tourist myself who hosted a few world-spanning cyclists and a friend of a well known late Italian Vespa globetrotter, I would say: this is actually the critical audience (often subconsciously) personally justifying why their own life is so boring: "my way is the right way: everyone else is irresponsible". Deep down they feel threatened by the notion that their life may be boring BECAUSE OF THEIR OWN DAMN CHOICES. News at 9.

But yeah, they are all half-mad or worse (read: "interesting people"); military service isn't going to have zero impact either, people deal with it different ways.

I find it telling he doesn't have flags on his kit.

[–] wand3r 10 hours ago
Many qualities of people who accomplish extraordinary things do not correlate with strong interpersonal relationships. The comment was a little overly judgmental so I totally understand your comments, but put politely, it isn't particularly unreasonable.
[–] contingencies 10 hours ago
Absentee parenting is a novel concept; in ages prior it was the norm. That said, I'm on board with being there for the kids, all the evidence is positive. Unless you're English, in which case: chin up, keep calm and carry on! That's another contributing factor: the guy possibly went to boarding school.
[–] IncreasePosts 11 hours ago
He couldn't go to Belfast because he was active duty in the British military.

But, he left the army to do his around the world walk, which means that he could have left the army and gone to Belfast instead.

He and his adult son have a good relationship now seemingly, but that doesn't mean his son didn't need a dad growing up. Having said that, it seems like this dude had a whole slew of mental issues, so perhaps it was for the best that he wasn't around his son much while he was growing up.

[–] smt88 11 hours ago
“Temporarily unable to go to Northern Ireland” doesn’t justify abandoning your child for the entire rest of his life.

There’s no way to spin it so that Bushby isn’t an absentee father and a selfish person.

[–] TFNA 11 hours ago
In so many of these stories, once the parent and child have publicly reconciled as Bushby and his son have, the child is very annoyed by total strangers on social media continuing to harp on abandonment or injustice; it feels like an intrusion into their personal life that hbn or smt88 knows nothing about. So, you might want to ask whether your intervention here is actually sought.
[–] anonreplier 10 hours ago
Reflects a lot better on the son than his selfish old man; he's fortunate he's seemingly turned out so well.
[–] adaml_623 10 hours ago
Well maybe public judgement of a father abandoning their child will stop it from happening to a child in the future.
[–] BeetleB 10 hours ago
I'm sorry, but: Post-hoc justification.
[–] saghm 10 hours ago
This entire discussion is post hoc, unless you're assuming that everyone who is commenting here happened to also have criticized him publicly in the past. There's no statute of limitations for people voicing their opinion on something they just learned about from a while back.
[–] BeetleB 10 hours ago
> There’s no way to spin it so that Bushby isn’t an absentee father and a selfish person.

I never understood why people are so willing to advertise their lack of imagination.

[–] Apocryphon 10 hours ago
Then dazzle the discussion with your creativity.
[–] BrandoElFollito 10 hours ago
No matter what, a kid needs his parents as a kid (in normal healthy families). There is not a case that I can imagine where not having them is good.

The fact that he gtew up to be a man much, much more mature than his father just shows he is the better person. And absolutely nothing on the father.

[–] oAlbe 10 hours ago
> [...] a kid needs his parents [...] There is not a case that I can imagine where not having them is good.

Now read your comment again, slowly.

[–] ericmcer 9 hours ago
The stories where bad parents just swoop in late in childhood and have a great relationship with their kids is frustrating. As a parent you would like to think the monumental task of raising a newborn from birth through the first 5 years would create some kind of lasting connection between you and your kid.

It is a ton of sacrifice and they won't recognize it until they have kids themselves. The reality is they can resent you as a teen and become endeared with a step or absent parent if they are more "fun" in the moment.

[–] sosodev 10 hours ago
Acceptable? No, but some people realize too late that they want an alternative mode of existence. As somebody who had abusive parents, I would rather they had pursued their desires.
[–] dillondoyle 9 hours ago
This walk is fairly tame in risk of death. Not so much in time lost as a dad.

This is a very common archetype though: dad of young kids does risky outside adventure for self-aggrandizement > dies.

the upcoming doc Everest: The Other Side will be fascinating.

Hilaree Nelson & Jim Morrison had a pretty crazy expedition goal. Then she dies while training to do it together.

He continues on anyways.

A bit of nuance: IIRC he previously lost his ex and kids in a horrible non-mountaineering car crash.

But IIRC Hilaree had children she left behind.

The film looks beautiful though.

Which is part of the problem... The inspired by jimmy's cinematography -> alex's feats -> become a wannabe amateur free solo father who dies is well established by now lol

My dad is friends with one of the main rabbis in JH. has done probably 20+ "He died doing what he loved" speeches, as the wife and kids sob and are left with no income stream.

[–] andai 9 hours ago
I don't know, does being the Buddha? (He also named his son Fetter, for extra comedic effect.)
[–] ndiddy 10 hours ago
I imagine the conversation went something like:

"Hey dad, what's this trip I hear you talking about?"

"Well son, even though you're 8 years old, I've decided to spend the next 28 years walking around the world."

"Gee dad, that sure seems like a long walk. Are you sure about this?"

"Well of course I'll be taking breaks rather than doing the whole thing at once."

"Great, so you'll be able to visit me, your 8 year old son, right?"

"Nope! I've decided to add my own self-imposed rule that I can't visit the UK until I've completed my walk. Instead, whenever I don't feel like walking, I'm going to fly to Mexico and hang out there. Then when I do feel like walking again, I'll fly back to where I was and resume my walk."

"So you're leaving me, your 8 year old son, to go on a 28 year long, non-contiguous walk around the world where you'll rarely see me? And by the time I grow up we'll barely know each other? And you'll end up missing the birth of your granddaughter?"

"That's right, son! I hope you're excited for the first of 4 times we'll see each other, 6 years from now! Aren't you proud of your dad for being such a great explorer?"

"..."

[–] dudul 11 hours ago
I think I read (maybe on a wikipedia article about this project) that he was already pretty much an absent father before even starting this walk.